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5 Lies You Should Stop Telling Yourself to build Self Confidence!

Building self-confidence is a journey that many of us struggle with.

We often find ourselves trapped in a cycle of negative self-talk, limiting beliefs, and self-sabotaging behaviors. These mental barriers can hold us back from reaching our full potential and living our best lives.

Self esteem killers

The good news is that self-confidence is a skill that can be developed and nurtured with the right mindset and strategies.

One of the biggest obstacles to building self-confidence is the lies we tell ourselves. These lies can become ingrained in our minds and become self-fulfilling prophecies, perpetuating a cycle of low self-esteem and self-doubt.

As an Executive Coach helping clients to achieve self-confidence, I have shared five common lies that undermine our self-confidence and how to overcome them.

The Five Lies and How to Overcome Them

1. "I'm not good enough."

This lie is perhaps the most pervasive and damaging to our self-confidence. When we tell ourselves that we're not good enough, we set ourselves up for failure before even trying. The truth is that everyone has unique strengths and weaknesses, and comparing ourselves to others is a futile exercise that only breeds insecurity.

To overcome this lie,

  1. Practice self-acceptance and focus on your personal growth.

  2. Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small, and recognise that you're on a journey of self-improvement.

  3. Surround yourself with people who build you up and celebrate your successes.

2. "I can't do it."

This lie stems from a fear of failure and a lack of belief in our abilities. When we tell ourselves that we can't do something, we limit our potential and miss out on opportunities for growth and personal development.

To combat this lie, challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone and embrace new experiences. Approach challenges with a growth mindset, recognising that failure is a natural part of the learning process.

3. "I'm not worthy of success."

This lie is rooted in low self-esteem and a belief that we don't deserve good things in life. When we tell ourselves that we're not worthy of success, we sabotage our efforts and undermine our self-confidence.

To overcome this lie, practice self-compassion and remind yourself that you are worthy of success and happiness. Celebrate your accomplishments and acknowledge the hard work and dedication it took to achieve them. Surround yourself with positive influences and people who believe in you and support your dreams.

4. "I'll never be good enough for that job/relationship/opportunity."

This lie is a form of self-sabotage that stems from a fear of rejection or a lack of self-belief. When we tell ourselves that we're not good enough for something we desire, we limit our potential and prevent ourselves from even trying.

To combat this lie, challenge your negative thoughts with positive affirmations and evidence that contradicts your limiting beliefs. Remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and unique qualities that make you a valuable candidate or partner. Seek feedback from trusted sources and use it as a tool for self-improvement, rather than as a source of self-doubt.

5. "I'll never be able to change."

This lie stems from a fixed mindset and a belief that our circumstances and abilities are set in stone. When we tell ourselves that we can't change, we limit our potential for growth and self-improvement.

To overcome this lie, embrace a growth mindset and recognise that change is not only possible but also a natural part of personal development. Seek out resources and support systems that can help you develop new skills and habits.

The Last Word: Adopt Self-Confidence

Building self-confidence is a journey, and it's important to be patient and compassionate with yourself along the way. By recognising and challenging the lies we tell ourselves, we can break free from the shackles of self-doubt and embrace our full potential.

Remember, self-confidence is not about being perfect or having all the answers; it's about believing in yourself, embracing your strengths, and being willing to learn and grow. Celebrate your victories, surround yourself with positive people, and attack obstacles with a growth mindset.

By letting go of the lies that hold us back and embracing self-acceptance and self-compassion, we can cultivate a sense of self-confidence that will empower us to pursue our dreams and live our best lives.

Do you communicate smartly or need help to enhance your communication skills? Take the Free Communication Skills Assessment to take the first step to speak with confidence.

Smita D Jain is a Certified Executive Coach, Personal Empowerment Life Coach, and NLP Practitioner. Smita’s ‘Empower Yourself’ Executive Coaching Programs enable introverted executives to speak with confidence and communicate with impact so that they emerge leaders faster than envisaged. Smita's Empower Yourself blog has been featured in Feedspot's list of Top 25 Indian Life Coach Blogs You can learn more about Smita’s ‘Empower Yourself’ Coaching Programs by visiting, and book a complimentary strategy session with her at

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